You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
