last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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