im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
