mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
