I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
