Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
