im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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