Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i think i just lost a toe
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
