and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
