Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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