Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
