im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
