okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
