i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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