Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
