her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
