I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
