Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
