I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
