Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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