You made me cry and you don't even care
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
