I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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