i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
