someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
