Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
