i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
