Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
