You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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