On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
