I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
