Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
