____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
