I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
