You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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