Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
