I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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