I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
