Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my poor anus
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
