Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
