I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
