i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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