you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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