Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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