were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
