hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
