My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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