I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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