you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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