When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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