What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
