Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
