We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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